Stop-Drop-Roll-Lather-Rinse & Repeat

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The Gottman Institute the anger iceberg talking of anger as a secondary emotion
When someone is "in our face" it's so hard to stay centered and calm! Whether physically, mentally, spiritually, energetically or virtually (text, Facebook messaging, Twitter, etc.) it's hard to remember that deep hurt seems most naturally purged from our systems through anger. 

Eventually, we all end up on the receiving end of another person's intensely animated frustration. Sometimes, when we don't handle our own internal sufferings with skill, we too take a turn at being the aggressor.

What if for a minute, we could remember that buried deep inside most of us (dare I say all of us) there are old, sometimes profound and often subconscious feelings of intense emotional pain? What if skillfully working on ourselves by learning to acknowledge and manage our own afflicted emotions, we could more easily recognize emotional suffering in the actions of another? 

What if when they erupt with frustration, silence or anger toward us rather than react, we purposefully act in ways that help cool our racing mind? But how!? Here is one way: Stop -> Drop defense thoughts and beliefs -> Roll out a new way of dealing with it in the moment. Lather rinse repeat 1 - 5:
1.  Slow down
2.  For a minute stay silent rather than reflexively lashing back 
3.  Work to remain grounded by purposefully feeling our feet in contact with the earth 
4.  Deliberately slow and deepen our breathing 
5.  Purposefully perceive our body's center 

When we purposefully choose actions that support nervous system balance, then our emotions & thoughts have a chance to be calm. Once calm, we might remember in the moment, that everybody has buried "treasures" which are more like emotional landmines, and in most relationships, people just want to feel heard, understood and to have a sense of peace. 

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